Bad Advice For New Authors (and why.)

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As an independent author, naturally I turn to my old friend Internet and ask, “How do I get people to know my book exists?”

There are hundreds, perhaps thousands, of pages with an answer. That answer is always the same, and always in the form of a list, which runs as follows:

“First and most important, you absolutely must have an email newsletter for your readers. Then you should take out a Facebook ad. Next, start an author Instagram profile and post a lot, with lots of hashtags. You need to start a YouTube channel and post several videos a week. Then, you can recycle the audio from your YouTube videos and start a PODCAST!!

Sometimes there’s more, and sometimes these items are in a slightly different order after the first item, but at this point whenever I open one of these articles and see “you need an email newsletter,” I just stop there.

Because from that alone I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the “advice,” and I use the term in the loosest way imaginable, will be utterly useless at best and counterproductive at worst. And, you may already have noticed, none of it will answer the question you actually asked.

Allow me a moment to explain to you why the above advice is bad, before I expound on my theory about why we get hit over the head with it.

1. “You need to have an email newsletter for your readers.”

My first question is, “What readers?” If I had those, I wouldn’t need to ask how to get them.

Seriously, this is like asking someone, “How do I buy a horse?” and being told, “You need a saddle!” and nothing else.

My second question is, “Who is the current President of the United States?” I expect the answer to be “Bill Clinton,” because he was President the last time email was a viable marketing strategy for a non-criminal. What a remarkable two weeks that was!

This is the twenty-first century (as of this writing). Almost the only reason people have email addresses any more is because they are necessary to log into social media accounts. (Like X, which serves pretty much the same function as a newsletter, with the added benefit of being open to discovery by non-subscribers.)

Email is a poor marketing strategy for another reason: The only demographic that opens spam and takes it seriously is octogenarians. They don’t know what an e-book is, much less how to make online purchases.

I’m not just blowing smoke here. I once paid to be included in someone else’s newsletter to see if it worked. The end result for my ten bucks was three hits from somewhere in India, a marked increase in scam-spam in my inbox, and zero sales.

2. “Take out a Facebook ad.”

Mark Zuckerberg is already a billionaire. He doesn’t need any help to buy a new boat.

That’s all you’d be doing by purchasing an ad campaign. Don’t believe me? Web-search “Facebook Ad Blocker” and c’mon back to apologize. Even without a blocker, only two kinds of people interact with the ads disguised as “suggested for you” posts on a newsfeed: The kind that mocks the ad in the comments, and the kind that “mentions” their friends in the comments. Those friends also won’t buy anything, because nothing screams “scam” quite as loudly as an advertisement infiltrating a news feed. (Even if it’s for a legit company.)

On top of all that, let’s face it, folks… anyone who does click to see the ONE WEIRD TRICK is not exactly your heavy reader type.

3. “Start an Author Instagram and post a lot, with lots of hashtags.”

Spoken truly like someone who has heard of Instagram but has never used it.

Now, I get the logic behind having a “professional” profile. (I don’t follow it, but I have more professions than “author.”) That’s not bad advice.

And, credit where it’s due, Instagram is a wonderful tool for staying connected… to people who already know who you are.

When it comes to generating new readers or fans, it sucks harder than a $5,000 a night hooker.

Especially if you use hashtags. If you start an Author Insta, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t hashtag the hell out of your posts.

Hashtags don’t attract human attention. Trust me. I’ve tried. I can state with absolute certainty that if you add tags like “amwriting” “author” “newbook” etc. all you will get for your trouble is a lot of time wasted clearing out your comments section. Spambots will descend by the dozen to shill their parent profile: “Promote it on @TotallyNotAFraudBookRegrammer.com!”

That goes double for art posts, by the way.

4. “Start a YouTube channel and post lots of videos about your book.”

Gosh, is there any better advice for a writer than, “do something that isn’t writing?”

See, while I’m something of a polymath, most folks have one calling. Someone good with words may not be as good with other media; there’s no shame in that, it’s why there are book cover design services. (A service I provide, as well!)

Yes, I know that you live in the modern era, and probably don’t get head-swimmy when it comes to making and uploading videos.

But are you an indie author who can’t afford an editor, much less a videographer proficient in marketing? Then, with no offense intended, you stand a good chance of creating a sub-standard promotional film. Which will naturally, if falsely, give the impression that your writing is sub-standard.

Any pro wrestler will tell you: when it comes to promotion, “generic” is never good enough.

That being said, a YouTube channel is probably the most viable idea on the list. More people go down random YT rabbit holes than anything else I’m aware of. At the whim of the algorithm, of course. And naturally you can become good at anything with practice. (I’ll get into why that’s actually a pitfall in a moment.)

But, remember the best part about YouTube: The “Skip Ads” button. If your whole channel is just a series of ads for your book, people will skip your whole channel. So if you do make one, make sure it’s done well, and that your shameless self-promotion is not its whole point. (Unless, of course, you’re really entertaining about it.) Good luck to you.

5. “Then you can recycle the audio from your videos and START A PODCAST!!”

Yeah, sure whatever. I’m not listening any more.

Five items, and not one tiny hint of an answer to the original question:

“How do I get people to know that my work exists?”

Notice, please: that question can apply to every item on the list. “How do I get people to notice my newsletter/Insta/whatevs?” It remains unanswered five times over.

Unless of course the list-writer is implying that when you create a newsletter, an Instagram account, YouTube channel and podcast, a mystical gong rings through the psychic ether, and people will just magically know that these things have come into being. From that moment forward not a single one of them shall rest, sleep, nor eat until your internet presences have been found and subscribed to. Step 4: PROFIT!

*sniff, sniff* Smell that? That’s sarcasm.

So, we’re not going to get any good advice from the countless blogs which regurgitate these useless strategies like over-enthusiastic mama birds on crack. The question now is:

WHY?

The answer, I think, is to be found in the bylines.

All of these blogs are written by authors. Established authors. To understand why that’s important, look over the list again.

Everything on it takes time. Lots of time.

Time that you can’t spend writing or promoting.

  • Every word you put in your newsletter is a word not going into your novel.
  • Are you documenting your life on Insta? Then you’re not typing.
  • Your mileage may vary, but when I make a video, that’s at least one day that I’m not doing anything else.
  • Separating audio and reengineering it for upload to a podcast with no audience? Another day at least.
  • Putting money into Zuckerberg’s pocket? Make sure your crayons aren’t too sharp so you don’t hurt yourself.

PS: This is why I said that becoming very good at video editing can actually be a pitfall.

Yet all of these things are what we’re told must be done. Madness.

Madness, until you realize one thing:

The publishing world, even the self-publishing continent, is cutthroat.

We’ve all seen the memes: “There’s plenty of readers for everybody!” What they don’t tell you is that however many readers there are, there’s only a finite amount of money.

I’m reminded of a guest lecturer who came in to talk to one of my art classes in college.

He was an illustrator for a local print shop, and started his lecture by literally screaming at us that if we tried to get into the art industry, he would “destroy” us.

I put that in quotes because it is a quote. He said, in so many words, that he would do everything in his power to ensure that we and our families starved to death, because he wasn’t giving up even a molecule of his slice of the pie.

That’s the situation we have with these lists written by established authors, albeit infinitely more insidious.

It has to be insidious. Being an asshole is bad marketing strategy. Articles are a marketing strategy (yes, even this one you’re reading now!). Name recognition drives sales. So the authors who write these blogs have to be hostile in the friendliest way.

They can’t just tell you to die in a fire made of AIDS. That might lower the chances of your buying their books. So they frustrate independent authors with strategies that could not possibly work, to stop us from writing, to lessen the competition. To secure their own meager slices of the pie.

It reeks, as we used to say.

If you want to know how to market your book, an established author is the worst person to ask. Ask a marketer. But no marketing guru is going to give an answer for free. Not one worth hearing, anyway.

I’m not giving up, though. I’m still trying, still thinking, and I’m very good at puzzles.

If I come up with something, maybe I’ll share it.

Palabra jot!

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