This past Sunday was my mother’s birthday, the first one since 1934 that did not see her walking the Earth.
You would expect me to be sad, of course, but I woke in a good mood and it stayed with me. I even danced and sang a bit in the kitchen, making breakfast Does this make me seem heartless to you? Nothing could be further from the Truth.
The truth is, nothing hurt Mom more than seeing her children hurt. The truth is, if you’re happy somebody was born, it’s OK to celebrate that happiness with happiness, even if the somebody no longer walks this Earth. It is OK to be sad as well. Neither way is better nor worse. Which way is more appropriate depends on the moment, and the people involved.
No more, no less.
Mom provided a lifetime of love and support, and I can be happy about that.
It’s not gone.
You know, I thought I’d get broken to pieces by diaper commercials after her passing. Mom loved babies so much that even late-stage Alzheimer’s couldn’t stop her from smiling at the TV during those commercials, and saying, “Look at the little babies!”
But I didn’t get broken up.
The first time I saw one of those commercials, I remembered how she loved them and I smiled. The memory made me happy. And I discovered that I could enjoy those commercials for her, now.
It’s not gone.
Today is almost exactly in between the first birthday since her passing, and the first Christmas since her passing.
I will remember how much she loved the holiday, loved the pageantry of it, the religion of it, loved seeing happy faces over opened presents.
And I will be happy about that.
And I will enjoy it, for her.